|The Nun (2018): Gothic Masterpiece or Glorified Funhouse Ride? We Went to Romania to Find Out

[Ambrose:] Welcome back. Okay, picture this. It's 1952. You're standing in the middle of rural Romania, deep in the Carpathian Mountains, and there's this massive brooding stone structure just... looming over you.

[Jessica:] Already a bad sign.

[Ambrose:] You’re at the Carta Monastery. And the fog is so thick you could choke on it.

[Jessica:] Now this sets a very specific mood right out of the gate. Oppressive. Heavy.

[Ambrose:] Exactly. And before you even get your bearings a nun throws herself off a balcony in the most violent, gothic way possible, and suddenly the Vatican is scrambling a whole special ops team.

[Jessica:] The miracle-hunter priest… and the young novitiate.

[Ambrose:] Yep. And that tells you everything you need to know about what we're doing today. We're dissecting the 2018 movie The Nun behind-the-scenes chaos, actual ghosts on set, and a film that critics absolutely destroyed but audiences threw money at like it owed them something.

[Jessica:] Because if you walked into that theater expecting some subtle, artsy psychological horror about generational trauma… you were in the wrong place, my friend.

[Ambrose:] Yup. Definitely in the wrong place. This is a ghost train. It’s loud. It’s a dark ride. It’s like there’s an operator in the corner tossing rubber skeletons at your face.

[Jessica:] And the monster is a demon who decided, for maximum blasphemy points, to dress up as a bride of Christ.

[Ambrose:] Which is such a wild aesthetic choice.

[Jessica:] It’s kind of brilliant, honestly. You take this symbol that’s supposed to mean safety and faith… and flip it into something that’s hunting you.

[Ambrose:] It’s iconic. And that’s the mission today. We’re not just doing plot recap. We’re pulling apart how this thing got made and why it’s such a glorious mess.

[Jessica:] Because the story of making it is almost

[Ambrose:] Stranger than the movie itself. They’re filming in old castles where the crew didn’t want to walk anywhere alone. You’ve got the “nepo baby” casting argument online. You’ve got a real lawsuit from the monster actress.

[Jessica:] It’s also a great example of how a strong look can steamroll story logic.

[Ambrose:] So grab a lantern, watch out for the fog, and let’s head back to the abbey.

[Jessica:] Okay. We have to start with how this movie looks. The atmosphere is soaked in one very specific vibe.

[Ambrose:] Total sensory overload. I call it “gothic overload.”

[Jessica:] Yes.

[Ambrose:] Like—graveyards covered in ground fog 24/7. And I need to ask, purely on a practical level… why is there a fog machine running around the clock in a convent?

[Jessica:] And who is paying for the dry ice in 1952?

[Ambrose:] Right! Thank you.

[Jessica:] It doesn’t make logical sense, but it’s the rule of cool. Does it look amazing?

[Ambrose:] Yep. It makes everything feel unreal. Endless corridors full of crosses, and that big, heavy wooden door with the Latin inscription: finit Hic Dio. “God ends here.”

[Jessica:] Subtle.

[Ambrose:] Not even a little. But the director, Corin Hardy, wasn’t trying to make a realistic movie about Romanian monastic life. He was chasing a very specific kind of old-school horror vibe. He wanted to make a Hammer-style horror movie… in 2018.

[Jessica:] And we should probably explain what that means, because “Hammer horror” sounds like something people have heard, but not everyone knows what it actually is.

[Ambrose:] Oh, please do, because for me growing up it was just “Dracula movies”… and the blood looked like bright red paint.

[Jessica:] And that’s a big part of it. Hammer Film Productions dominated horror from the late ’50s through the ’70s. Before that, you had classic Universal monsters—black-and-white, lots of shadows…

[Ambrose:] Okay that makes sense.

[Jessica:] And Hammer came in with Technicolor. Horror got loud visually. And the blood was candy-apple red. The sets were huge—velvet curtains, giant castles. It was theatrical, and yeah, kind of sexy.

[Ambrose:] So, horror turned up to 11… Melodrama with fangs.

[Jessica:] Exactly. And Corin Hardy even said he viewed the nun’s habit in this movie like a shark fin cutting through an ocean… an ocean of shadows.

[Ambrose:] Okay, that’s a really sick visual.

[Jessica:] He wanted high contrast. He cared more about the image than realism.

[Ambrose:] And his influences didn’t stop at “classic Dracula stuff,” either. He also cited Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, which sounds kinda of ridiculous on paper.

[Jessica:] Yea. An action-adventure pulp movie… as inspiration for a demonic nun movie.

[Ambrose:] But when you watch it, you see it.

[Jessica:] Oh totally. They’re not just sitting in a haunted house waiting for a door to slam.

[Ambrose:] Right. They’re exploring. They’re going into catacombs with lanterns. They’re solving puzzles to find a holy relic.

[Jessica:] So, it’s adventure-horror? And Father Burke and Sister Irene are basically supernatural archaeologists.

[Ambrose:] And the wild thing is he tosses in a little Evil Dead 2.

[Jessica:] Yea. Pure Sam Raimi energy.

[Ambrose:] Oh let’s not forget the camera flying around also.

[Jessica:] Yes. And let’s not forget the shaky movement rushing through the forest, because the whole thing is super physical. People are getting thrown across rooms by invisible forces, falling into open graves… it’s almost like slapstick violence, but terrifying. And we have to talk about the lighting too, because there’s a big Italian horror influence. The giallo stuff.

[Ambrose:] Oh yeah, Dario Argento.

[Jessica:] Yup Dario Argento, Mario Bava, and Lucio Fulci. Those Italian directors in the ’60s and ’70s did not care about realism. They’d light scenes with deep blues and reds even when there’s no logical light source.

[Ambrose:] Just because it looks scary.

[Jessica:] Exactly. It runs on dream logic. In a nightmare, you don’t stop and go, “Hey, why is this room purple?” You just feel it.

[Ambrose:] And that explains a lot of why people complain about this movie. Like, “Why did the demon wait so long?” You’re trying to use real-world logic on dream logic.

[Jessica:] Right. The movie is choosing the nightmare look over a perfectly clean story.

[Ambrose:] Speaking of choices there’s this one sound moment I think is actually genius.

[Jessica:] Oh, you’re talking about the radio scene.

[Ambrose:] Yes I am. Because you’re in this silent stone abbey, and a radio clicks on… but it doesn’t play spooky chanting. It plays “You Belong to Me,” that romantic 1950s ballad—“see the pyramids along the Nile…”

[Jessica:] And it’s supposed to be sweet. And nostalgic. But in this context, it gets twisted.

[Ambrose:] Completely twisted.

[Jessica:] It’s that trick where you take a “safe” sound like a love song or a lullaby and you attach it to danger.

[Ambrose:] Yup. So “You Belong to Me” stops being romantic—

[Jessica:] —and becomes Valak saying, “Nope. I own you. You’re not leaving.”

[Ambrose:] And it turns into a stalker anthem. Way better than just some generic spooky drone.

[Jessica:] True. But the atmosphere is nothing if you don’t have people inside it, and the casting stories here are surprisingly juicy.

[Ambrose:] Oooh Yeah. So, let’s start with Sister Irene, Taissa Farmiga.

[Jessica:] Ahhh, the elephant in the room.

[Ambrose:] The “nepo baby” debate. Because her older sister is Vera Farmiga, basically royalty in the Conjuring franchise as Lorraine Warren.

[Jessica:] So when Taissa gets cast, the internet collectively goes, “Oh, come on.”

[Ambrose:] “Come see the mini Lorraine.”

[Jessica:] Right. But Corin Hardy actually said he fought against casting her at first.

[Ambrose:] That’s because he didn’t want the backlash. Right?

[Jessica:] Right. So, he watched over a hundred auditions trying to find someone else. He wanted the movie to stand on its own.

[Ambrose:] Okay. So what changed?

[Jessica:] It was her eyes. Because both Farmiga sisters have these big, expressive eyes that can sell innocence… and absolute panic on camera.

[Ambrose:] So, it’s like the camera just loves fear in the eyes.

[Jessica:] You can say that. But here’s the funny part. Taissa is genuinely scared of horror movies in real life.

[Ambrose:] Oooh I love that. She hates the dark, and she avoids the genre… and then she gets cast for this movie. 

[Jessica:] Yes. Which is kind of perfect for a director, honestly. You’re not getting fake fear. You’re getting real discomfort. She even said she’d go back to her hotel and watch Disney movies to reset her brain so she could sleep.

[Ambrose:] Now that is funny. But it really makes a lot of sense.

[Jessica:] It does, and then you have Father Burke, played by Demian Bichir an Oscar-nominated actor. He brings real weight.

[Ambrose:] Because he grounds the movie. But okay we have to talk about something from his press tour.

[Jessica:] Oh boy.

[Ambrose:] Yeah. You know where I’m going with this.

[Jessica:] Oooh I sure do.

[Ambrose:] Okay. He described Father Burke as and I’m quoting “the James Bond of souls and the Dirty Harry of demons.”

[Jessica:] Stopppp. “James Bond of souls” is so dramatic. Like, what does that even mean? He’s out here seducing ghosts?

[Ambrose:] Right?? Like he’s ordering a martini while a demon is crawling on the ceiling. 

[Jessica:] Yea. Shaken, not possessed. It’s cheesy as hell. It sounds like a bad ’80s B-movie tagline’.

[Ambrose:] Exactly. And then “Dirty Harry of demons” is even funnier because now I’m picturing him squinting at a possessed nun like, “Go ahead… manifest.”

[Jessica:] And with a tiny little holy water gun.

[Ambrose:] Oh my god, YES. He’s got the collar, the trench coat, and just zero patience.

[Jessica:] And honestly though, that line tells you everything. They wanted him to sound like the coolest guy alive.

[Ambrose:] I guess… you could look at it like that.

[Jessica:] But, Father Burke is not that. He shows up in a fedora with a tactical kit of holy gear. And he’s here to throw hands for the Lord…[dramatic pause] He’s an action-hero priest.

[Ambrose:] I guess we’re doing action-hero exorcism now.

[Jessica:] Exactly. He’s a soldier.

[Ambrose:] And soldiers get put through it, because then we get to the coffin scene—oh my god. He gets shoved into an open grave and buried alive.

[Jessica:] Now that hits a primal fear for me. I don’t mess around with claustrophobia.

[Ambrose:] Really now. Well you’re going to love this part. Because they didn’t shoot it once and move on. Nope, the production notes say they shot it multiple times, across different days, AND in two different countries.

[Jessica:] Now that’s insane.

[Ambrose:] Right. But imagine being in a wooden box, having real dirt dumped on the lid until it goes pitch black. You finally get through it, you’re sweating, you can’t breathe and then the director’s like, “Great. We’ll finish the rest of this… in Romania next month.”

[Jessica:] Ahhh Nope I can’t imagine that because if I did I’d be dead now. 

[Ambrose:] Oh come on really?

[Jessica:] Yes, really. I’m very claustrophobic.

[Ambrose:] Okay. Well then you’ll get a real kick out of this Bichir isn’t even a horror fan. He even said he refuses to pay to be scared…and then he signed up for this. 

[Jessica:] People will do wild things for a paycheck and a good story.

[Ambrose:] That’s true. And then you’ve got the third wheel: Frenchie.

[Jessica:] Yes. Jonas Bloquet, the comic relief.  

[Ambrose:] Critics called this the “Marvel-ification” of horror dialogue. Like he’s dropping one-liners while demons are attacking.

[Jessica:] It’s a tough balance, because jokes can kill tension fast in gothic horror.

[Ambrose:] Right. And it can pull you right out of it.

[Jessica:] But this movie is so loud and nonstop that you almost need a pressure valve. If you scream at people for 90 minutes straight, they go numb. But a laugh resets the audience.

[Ambrose:] So the next scare lands harder. Okay, I get it. But also—Frenchie is flirting with a nun in 1952.

[Jessica:] That’s Bold move. Trying to flirt with someone who is literally married to God. 

[Ambrose:] And Jonas was freaked out too, right?

[Jessica:] Right. Because he was more like… a huge fanboy. He loved The Conjuring so much that when he got the call for this role, he ran through the streets of Paris screaming.

[Ambrose:] Honestly, I would of done the same thing.

[Jessica:] Of course you would. So your cast is either genuinely scared… or fully losing their mind from excitement. And they’re not on a comfy soundstage in Burbank. Right?

[Ambrose:] Nope. They’re in Romania.

[Jessica:] Yes. Real locations: Corvin Castle, Mogauaya Palace.

[Ambrose:] And you can’t fake that old stone texture.

[Jessica:] No you can’t. But, you can feel the cold through the screen.

[Ambrose:] And filming there comes with… baggage.

[Jessica:] Oooh yes your talking about the uninvited guests.

[Ambrose:] Correct. So, we have to talk about the Romanian ghost incident.

[Jessica:] Oh my god, yes. This is so wild.

[Ambrose:] Now, usually “haunted set” stories feel like PR fluff. Like, a light flickers, a door creaks

[Jessica:] Yeah, a PA tugging a string.

[Ambrose:] But Corin Hardy tells this one straight-faced, and it’s creepy.

[Jessica:] Okay, why don’t you set it up.

[Ambrose:] Alright. They’re at the Mogauaya Fortress, filming in the Corridor of Crosses. And Hardy has to watch the monitors, but there’s no room in the corridor, so he goes into this side room. Which was pitch black and had only one door

[Jessica:] So it’s dark. Damp. And creepy.

[Ambrose:] Right. But can I finish

[Jessica:] Oh, sorry. Continue.

[Ambrose:] So, he walks in and sees two men sitting in the shadows at the back of the room. So. He nods, and says hello. Then turns around and focuses on the monitors.

[Jessica:] Okay. So, let me ask you this. He assumes they’re a local crew. You know like the sound guy and Security.

[Ambrose:] Yeah you can think that. So he’s sitting in the dark with his back completely exposed for like 30 minutes. Take after take. Finally, they nail the shot. He’s pumped.

[Ambrose:] And he spins around to high-five the two guys… but the room is empty. No chairs. No other doors. Nowhere they could’ve gone. He’d been sitting alone in a sealed dark room for half an hour, totally sure he WASN’T alone.

[Jessica:] Yea, nope. Absolutely not. My skin is crawling just thinking about that.

[Ambrose:] Yea. I would of pissed my pants if that happen to me.

[Jessica:] I can see you doing that. So, what did HE do—shut down production?

[Ambrose:] You would think that. But, no. He basically said, “Well, we got the shot. And we’re on a schedule. Let’s keep moving.”

[Jessica:] That is the most director response ever. “So, are you ghosts in the union? No? Alrighty then.”

[Ambrose:] Exactly. He joked it was Romanian ghosts checking out the dailies.

[Jessica:] But I read they took it seriously enough to hire an Eastern Orthodox priest to bless the set before filming.

[Ambrose:] Which sounds like the first scene of a horror movie. “Let’s bring a priest to the haunted castle.” What could go wrong?

[Jessica:] But it adds to the lore. And Hardy also said he found a mysterious handprint in dust, up high on a wall, where he swore nobody could reach.

[Ambrose:] Sooo, the movie is kind of creating itself. But the main thing we have to talk about is Valak.

[Jessica:] Ahh yes. Bonnie Aarons. The woman behind the habit.

[Ambrose:] Right. Because I’m always fascinated that so much of her look is practical makeup. Because these days, so many monsters are CGI. Like, hell look at Stranger Things. But Valak is mostly paint.

[Jessica:] Yeah. Her dead white skin, darkened eyes, and yellow contacts… and then the real fear is Bonnie Aarons’ face. She has these striking, angular features.

[Ambrose:] And the backstory is honestly kind of sad. Early on, agents told her she wouldn’t work in Hollywood because of her nose. They said she didn’t have the look.

[Jessica:] And now that exact look is a worldwide horror icon. That’s a great “joke’s on you” story.

[Ambrose:] Right. And she stayed in character a lot? Like, rumor was the crew didn’t even want to look her in the eyes.

[Jessica:] Oh right. She’d sit between takes in full costume, totally still, just staring….now, that’s creepy as fuck.

[Ambrose:] Man. I’d be passing out. But okay, let’s geek out on the lore for a sec, because if you read the Ars Goetia, the “REAL” Valak is… not this.

[Jessica:] Oooh, totally different. The 17th-century grimoire describes Valak as a great president of hell who shows up as a winged child riding a two-headed dragon.

[Ambrose:] Okay, let me get this straight. You got a winged baby on a two-headed dragon. Now that's got to be the most metal album-cover idea I’ve ever heard.

[Jessica:] It’s epic.

[Ambrose:] But is it scary? Like—Lord of the Rings scary? Sure. But “dark hallway in Romania” scary? Nah.

[Jessica:] Exactly. It leans more towards fantasy. And it feels more like Harry Potter. Then horror.

[Ambrose:] And Corin Hardy needed something that messed with the sacred, so they changed it to a nun. Let me ask you this? So, why does that specific twist work so well?

[Jessica:] Because a nun is this symbol of devotion and safety—someone who’s supposed to be protected by faith. And having a demon wear that form is a direct attack. It says, “Your holy symbols don’t save you… because I can wear them too.”

[Ambrose:] That’s so unsettling. And what’s wild about this. It’s a icon that was a late addition to The Conjuring 2. Like, reshoots.

[Jessica:] Yep. The original villain idea was closer to that winged demon lore, but James Wan watched the cut and thought it looked too fake...too CGI.

[Ambrose:] So he pivoted at the last minute.

[Jessica:] And boom. One reshoot choice, and you’ve got a whole franchise villain.

[Ambrose:] But Valak also led to real-world drama. So, we have to talk about the 2023 lawsuit—justice for Valak.

[Jessica:] Oh, right. Bonnie Aarons sues Warner Brothers.

[Ambrose:] And her argument was basically: “You put my face on everything.” Dolls, costumes, lunchboxes. And I’ve literally seen Valak socks.

[Jessica:] And her claim was that they were hiding merchandising money to avoid paying her royalties.

[Ambrose:] So. What are you saying? Hollywood accountants are famously shady?

[Jessica:] Oh I’m not saying that. But she does have a point. Valak isn’t Michael Myers. Because you can put anyone in a white Shatner mask. But you can’t put just anyone in Valak makeup and have it work.

[Ambrose:] That’s because the character is her actual face. If I see a Valak doll, I’m looking at Bonnie Aarons.

[Jessica:] Right. So, pay the woman. It also shows how valuable an actor’s likeness can be, even if they barely speak.

[Ambrose:] Because that likeness sold the movie. The marketing team knew it too. Remember the YouTube ad incident?

[Jessica:] Oh my god.

[Ambrose:] The volume icon trick. Now, that move was an evil genius.

[Jessica:] Yes it was. Okay. So, explain it for people who missed it.

[Ambrose:] Alright. So, you’re watching YouTube. And a pre-roll ad starts, but it’s a black screen. And in the middle, there’s a volume icon dropping down like it’s muting.

[Jessica:] So your brain goes

[Ambrose:] “My sound is broken.” And you reach for the volume, you turn it up, you lean in closer

[Jessica:] And then BAM.

[Ambrose:] Yup. Valak’s face flashes up screaming at max volume.

[Jessica:] That was insane. A jump scare weaponized as an ad. And people lost it.

[Ambrose:] They sure did. There were thousands of complaints. People tweeting that they threw their phones, kids crying—YouTube straight up banned the ad for “shocking content,” which is the funniest possible headline.

[Jessica:] “Too scary for YouTube.” That was marketing gold.

[Ambrose:] Oh it definitely was. You can’t buy that kind of hype. And it wasn’t the only ban. The Catholic church in Lebanon banned the whole film.

[Jessica:] Oh yeah, they said it was offensive to the faith.

[Ambrose:] Which brings up a real question—does the movie mock Catholicism?

[Jessica:] It does walk that line. Because the heroes are devout Catholics. But the imagery. You know the possessed nuns, the “God ends here” door, the demon spitting venom. It uses religious imagery as horror decoration.

[Ambrose:] So, like using a crucifix as a literal ninja star.

[Jessica:] Exactly. If you take theology seriously, yeah, it’s blasphemous. If you watch it like a monster movie, it’s “cool props.” I get why devout communities were upset.

[Ambrose:] That truly makes a lot of sense…So we’ve got atmosphere, ghost stories, lawsuits, bans… now we’ve gotta talk about the climax.

[Jessica:] Yes. They go down into the catacombs.

[Ambrose:] And they find the rift to hell, and Sister Irene takes her final vows in the middle of a demon attack, which is honestly such a badass moment.

[Jessica:] It truly is, because she confronts Valak in this flooded chamber.

[Ambrose:] And Valak tries to drown her. It looks like it’s over.

[Jessica:] But Irene has the holy relic,  the blood of Jesus Christ—and she’s holding it in her mouth.

[Ambrose:] Yes! So when Valak pulls her close

[Jessica:] She spits the blood of Christ right into the demon’s face.

[Ambrose:] And that’s so ’80s action-movie.’ Like, “Eat this.” And the blood acts like acid.

[Jessica:] Yes. The demon gets banished, the rift closes, and everybody lives happily ever after… right?

[Ambrose:] Sure, they survive. They leave the abbey, happy ending… so that basically wraps up our breakdown

[Jessica:] Wait. No. We are not stopping there.

[Ambrose:] I mean, the demon is gone, right?

[Jessica:] You would think Valak is gone? But we haven’t even touched the timeline mess or the sequel.

[Ambrose:] Okay, that’s fair. Because when you really start to think about that “happy ending.”…Well that was a massive lie.

[Jessica:] Yes. It’s the biggest trick the movie pulls.

[Ambrose:] So. Let’s widen out to the Conjuring universe, because The Nun is not a standalone movie.

[Jessica:] No it’s not. Because it’s the earliest story in the timeline. Starting back in 1952.

[Ambrose:] And the twist involves our boy Frenchie.

[Jessica:] Good ol’ Frenchie.

[Ambrose:] And at the very end, they’re riding away, and the camera pans to his neck… and you see an inverted cross scar forming under his skin.

[Jessica:] That’s because Valak didn’t leave. He just hitched a ride.

[Ambrose:] So, what your saying?is he possessed him.

[Jessica:] That’s exactly what I’m saying Valak possessed him.

[Ambrose:] Oh okay. And then the movie jumps ahead 20 years to a lecture hall. And That’s where we see Ed and Lorraine Warren, Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga.

[Jessica:] Correct. And they are showing a video of an exorcism.

[Ambrose:] And the guy being exorcised is Frenchie. His real name was Maurice. And if you go all the way back to The Conjuring from 2013, that lecture footage is literally how we first meet the Warrens.

[Jessica:] That is also Correct. They talk about a farmer named Maurice.

[Ambrose:] So the funny guy cracking jokes throughout the movie… is actually the victim who connects everything.

[Jessica:] It kind of adds this dark shadow over the whole thing. Because you rewatch it and you’re like, “Oooh…now I get it.”

[Ambrose:] And it sets up The Nun II. Because Frenchie is having what you would call a rough time.

[Jessica:] And we all know what that rough time is all about…Valak is back. And we can not forget that this movie had a post-credits scene to it.

[Ambrose:] It does. We cut to the future and we see a phone ringing at the Warrens’ house.

[Jessica:] And here’s a fun little trivia for you all. That phone scene is actually cut footage from The Conjuring 3 The Devil Made me Do it.

[Ambrose:] Which, I have to ask? Is that lazy recycling, or is it smart studio efficiency?

[Jessica:] I’m gonna lean towards smart. Because why shoot it again? It also shows how connected this universe is. The Marvel Cinematic Universe  model, but with demons.

[Ambrose:] And speaking of demons… I think it’s time we shift gears.

[Jessica:] Okay. But before we do that. I want to pose a theory to you right now. I call it the standalone argument. 

[Ambrose:] Okay, I’m listening. 

[Jessica:] Now hear me out. If you strip away the conjuring branding entirely. You know forget about Ed and Lorraine Warren. Forget all about Annabelle. And you forget all about this cinematic universe expectations. If you just look at this movie as an isolated 1952 period piece, is it actually just a really solid classic hammer horror film in disguise?

[Ambrose:] I think that is honestly the only fair way to watch it. If you look at the DNA of the script, it's basically the Name of the Rose meets Dracula. Yes, you have the skeptical investigator from the city. You have the young innocent apprentice, the isolated gothic castle, the superstitious villagers spitting on the ground when the castle is mentioned. It checks every single box of a 1960s or 70s creature feature.

[Jessica:] And let’s not forget about the visuals. They are absolutely stunning. The practical monsters, the real ancient castles, the heavy fog atmosphere. Now it looks expensive and it looks so lush and gothic.

[Ambrose:] It does. And I think the problem only really comes when people try to compare it directly to the first Conjuring film because

[Jessica:] —they are totally different beasts.

[Ambrose:] Exactly. The Conjuring is a suburban domestic haunting. It's intimate. It's grounded in a gritty 1970s reality. The Nun on the other hand is an opera, a screaming opera. It's a gothic, bombastic, blood soaked opera. It is not trying to be subtle. It is trying to be a funhouse ride.

[Jessica:] So the question for you listening right now is this. Does this movie actually work better if you completely ignore the Conjuring connection? And if you just sit back and view it as a weird 1950s Italian horror style creature feature? Or is it really just a loud, empty funhouse ride that got incredibly lucky at the box office?

[Ambrose:] Let us know on our facebook page. But I will say this one final thing. I’m deeply sad we never got to see the Dragon.

[Jessica:] Oh you’re talking about the two headed Dragon.

[Ambrose:] Yes. You know that weird demon kid riding the two headed dragon over the mountains of Transylvania. Maybe they’re saving that for part three.

[Jessica:] We can only pray. Or actually, maybe we shouldn’t pray. Considering how poorly that worked out for the nuns in the abbey.

[Ambrose:] That’s true. It’s probably best to just keep quiet.

[Jessica:] Ok now we’ve gotta actually. Okay. Now we have to actually give our thoughts on this movie. Do we recommend you watch it or skip it? So do to that, that only means— 

[Ambrose:] —It’s time to head down into the Critic’s Crypt.

[Jessica:] Yup. So, lead the way Crypt Boy!

[Ambrose:] Okay, what the hell is that smell? And why is the floor wet?

[Jessica:] uhhh It's a crypt, Ambrose.

[Ambrose:] I know it's a crypt. Did you leave something down here and it spoiled?

[Jessica:] Wait...why do you think it was me huh?

[Ambrose:] I don’t. I’m just asking a question. That’s all.

[Jessica:] Wow, okay, we're doing this.

[Ambrose:] We're not doing anything. I was just asking a question...geesh. Don't get so defensive.

[Jessica:] Well, it kind of sound like you were blaming me for something.

[Ambrose:] Well, trust me i wasn't.

[Jessica:] Ok then. So tell me what are your thoughts on the Nun and Corin Hardy in Romania?

[Ambrose:] Honestly? I think Corin Hardy made Romania look incredible in this movie. Like, the location is doing a lot of heavy lifting in the best way. Everything feels cold and huge and old, and it gives The Nun that creepy gothic vibe right out of the gate. You actually feel like these people are stuck somewhere cursed, not just walking around on a set. And I think that’s a big reason the movie works for me, because even when the story gets a little wild, the atmosphere is so strong that I’m still in it.

[Jessica:] And we can’t forget Frenchie! The man is charming! He gets to be funny without being the bumbling comedy relief who almost ruins everything.

[Ambrose:] Right, he's a real person. He's scared, he's funny, he actually cares what happens to these people. That character could've been nothing and he made it something.

[Jessica:] The two of them are genuinely the best part of the movie. Which is interesting because neither of them is the scary thing.

[Ambrose:] Which is telling. Okay — here's my other big positive and I will die on this hill — the monastery. The location. Carta Monastery, actual Romania, actual old terrifying building. The production design is doing the heaviest lifting in this entire film.

[Jessica:] No, you're right. It looks like centuries of bad decisions happened there. The underground tunnels, the fog sitting in every corner, the stone walls that look genuinely ancient —

[Ambrose:] And it doesn't look like a set. It looks like a place that was already haunted before they showed up with cameras.

[Jessica:] Some of the Conjuring universe stuff feels very much like a nice house in a suburb with the lights turned off. This one feels old. Like, old and wrong.

[Ambrose:] Exactly. There's weight to it. Okay. But.

[Jessica:] But.

[Ambrose:] Yes. There is a but. The story is barely holding together.

[Jessica:] I thought it was just me thinking that.

[Ambrose:] I know right.  Okay they get there, they walk around, something jumps out. They walk somewhere else, something jumps out. They go underground, something jumps out. There's no real escalation. It's a series of scary moments that don't build off each other. They just happen in sequence and then the movie ends.

[Jessica:] Yessss finally. Someone said it. I agree, the jump scare density in this film is genuinely exhausting. And I don't even hate jump scares when they're used right — like, one lands, it means something, you move on. But this movie deploys them every three to four minutes like clockwork and after a while your nervous system just... opts out.

[Ambrose:] Oh I agree. There was this moment in the cornfield sequence where something jumped out and I realized I'd stopped paying attention. I was thinking about something completely unrelated and Valak appeared and I went "oh right."

[Jessica:] That is the most damning thing you can say about a horror scene.

[Ambrose:] It is! That's a failure! A horror scene should not allow my brain to wander off!

[Jessica:] It shouldn’t. And the mythology. You know the cursed duke, the deal with the demon, the whole reason Valak is even attached to this place. They give you maybe six minutes of that and then it's just nuns standing in hallways again.

[Ambrose:] Right. And that backstory could've been a genuinely creepy anchor for the whole film. A human being who willingly opened a door to something like Valak — that's a whole movie. There's horror in that. But it's just a paragraph and we're back to flickering candles.

[Jessica:] And your right. It could of, but it needed one more draft. Or one pass where someone asked "okay but why does any of this matter" and actually answered it.

[Ambrose:] Oh a hundred percent…Okay I’d love to here where you landed on this one?

[Jessica:] You want my final judgment on this movie?

[Ambrose:] Of course. So, how many coffins do you give this movie and why?

[Jessica:] Well, I’m at two out of five. And I want to be clear about why — it's not that I was miserable watching it. Taissa Farmiga kept me engaged, the location is genuinely beautiful in a horrible way, and there are like three moments where it almost gets there. But the jump scares piled up so fast that by the third act I was numb, and the story never gave me a reason to care about what Valak actually is or what she wants. It just kept pointing at her going "scary! scary! look! scary!" and that's not enough.

[Ambrose:] Okay two is fair. I was gonna say two and a half.

[Jessica:] Of course you were.

[Ambrose:] No. Let me finish! I was gonna say two and a half because I think the performances bump it up slightly for me. Farmiga and Bloquet together are doing real work, and the monastery looks so good that I kept wanting the movie around them to be better. That gap between "this looks incredible" and "this story is not landing" is where my extra half coffin lives.

[Jessica:] Wait…So your giving it two and a half because you felt sorry for the location.

[Ambrose:] Oh, yes! It deserved a better script! It's a beautiful creepy monastery and they speed-ran their own atmosphere!

[Jessica:] Okay, I can respect the half coffin. But, I’m still at two. The numbness got me. When I stop reacting to jump scares forty minutes into a horror movie, something has gone wrong.

[Ambrose:] No that's fair. Two is honest. Two and a half is me being slightly optimistic about what it could've been.

[Jessica:] Which is a you problem.

[Ambrose:] It's absolutely a me problem.

[Jessica:] Okay. Can we please leave. My shoes are wet now.

[Ambrose:] How are your shoes wet?

[Jessica:] Uhhh, the same reason the floor is wet! Did you forget we were in the crypt, Ambrose!

[Ambrose:] Oh, know. I knew what you meant.

[Jessica:] Sure you did. I'm going now.

[Ambrose:] Wait, wait,  wait. I forget do we say goodbye first oooor… I’m teasing you.

[Jessica:] Oh my god, we’ve been down here so long I forgot there was a surface. Can we please just leave now.

[Ambrose:] Okay, okay. Let’s get out of here before you head explodes.

[Jessica:] Not funny. Ambrose.

[Ambrose:] I thought it was. Okay, Valak if you're in that corner, we're leaving, this is your win.

[Jessica:] Finally. And please don’t acknowledge her.

[Ambrose:] Right, right, not acknowledging her, we're fine.

[Jessica:] Can you just move it faster Crypt Boy!

[Ambrose:] Okay, sooo, we just did The Nun...

[Jessica:] And I'm genuinely considering becoming an atheist. Like, just to be safe.

[Ambrose:] See, I feel the opposite — I'm about to start going to church every week.

[Jessica:] Either way, that demon got us both. That's honestly impressive.

[Ambrose:] It really is. Valak said "I don't care which direction you go, I'm winning."

[Jessica:] Not only did she haunt a whole Romanian abbey, but she also haunted me in my sleep. Apparently.

[Ambrose:] So hey if you're sitting here, still a little shaken, clearly you're a person of culture and you should subscribe so you don't miss what we traumatize ourselves with next.

[Jessica:] Yeah, we do this every week. You might as well make it official.

[Ambrose:] And if you want the VIP Pass early episodes, bonus stuff, all that — the link is in the show notes. It's how you support two idiots who willingly watched a nun hiss at a priest for two hours.

[Jessica:] Truly a calling.

[Ambrose:] Alright, we're gonna go sleep with the lights on

[Jessica:] Every light. In the whole house.

[Ambrose:] And we'll see you next time. So, stay curious, and stay scared.

[Jessica:] And maybe don't visit any Romanian abbeys. Bye!

[Ambrose:] Byeeee!